he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
