My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
