GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
