Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize