What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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