The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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