Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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