Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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