i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
