Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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