she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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