she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
