our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
