is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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