It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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