So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
