Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
