Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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