So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
