I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
