Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
