Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
