my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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