What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize