And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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