apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize