I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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