the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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