Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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