true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
