Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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