I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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