what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
