Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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