BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
