hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
