She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
