god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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