I love black thongs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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