no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
