Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize