grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
