he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
