We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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