ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
