i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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