Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
