i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
