It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
