well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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