I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
