Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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