Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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