bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
