i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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