I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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