there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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