I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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