If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
