I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it glows. i had to have it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
