The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
