Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
