I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
