You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
