my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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