I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
