he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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