you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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