He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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