his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
