Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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