I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize