he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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