Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
