Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
