come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I stole a fireplace last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
