She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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