He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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