My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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