So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
