So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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