After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
