I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
