He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize