dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
