he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
